The Truth is no longer out there, but simply out. Thanks to Trump’s near-absolute belief in transparency, the US department of war has declassified info regarding alien life (beyond immigrants from ‘hellholes’), unidentified aerial phenomena (UNA) and unidentified flying objects (UFOs) along with ‘mysterious Apollo mission photos’. With the move made on the same day as David Attenborough‘s 100th birthday, some experts believe the idea is also for Trump to go one up on the legendary wildlife broadcaster as the greatest evangelist of life not confined to our planet.
Forget Epstein’s Rolodex of horrors. What the public really needs to know is whether Buzz Aldrin was photobombed by a flying saucer. The idea is that Martians are infinitely more interesting than criminal billionaires. Critics may see it as governance by distraction, but the next briefing won’t sound like a bizarre line from Close Encounters of the Third Kind: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, while we cannot comment on Epstein, we can confirm that Apollo astronauts may have been chased by UFOs. Please direct all outrage skyward.’ Thus, the Trump regime pioneers a new doctrine: transparency not as illumination, but as vaudeville. The public is dazzled, scandals are buried and archives are repurposed as X Files props and merch. In this sequel to Alien Vs Predator, we know who’s won.