We’re only two months into the new year and already we’ve been dealt a batshit news story, with former US President Barack Obama confirming aliens are, in fact, real. Great!
Obama, who you’d assume would have this kind of intel given his resume, made the stunning admission during an interview on the podcast No Lie, where he was asked point-blank by host Brian Tyler Cohen about the existence of aliens.
“They’re real,” Obama said in a matter-of-fact tone more suited to small talk about the weather and not the jaw-dropping confirmation of otherworldly beings.
Hey so I have a few follow-up questions. Firstly: WHAT THE FUCK? (Image: YouTube)
But before we whip out our tinfoil hats, Obama debunked the widespread theory that aliens are being hidden at Area 51, the shady and highly classified US government facility in Nevada.
“They’re not being kept at Area 51. There’s no underground facility, unless there’s this enormous conspiracy and they hid it from the president of the United States,” Obama said, in a revelation that will still do little to stop the suspicions of diehard conspiracists.
Obama went on to say that “where are the aliens?” was the first question he wanted answered when becoming president back in 2009 (I’d wanna know the JFK and Marilyn tea), but that was shockingly the only mention of alien life we got during the interview.
To be fair, it came during a “lighting round” of questions in the podcast, but I think we could’ve bent the rules to allow for a few follow-up questions given that the former president literally just confirmed the subject of decades of fascination and intrigue.
For instance, do they come in peace? Are they bright-coloured and big-eyed, like the one Sabrina Carpenter kissed? And perhaps most importantly, have they finally cracked the code of the exact order that our skincare routines should follow? Serums go last, right?
WE NEED ANSWERS!
Me when the aliens confirm cleanser goes first. (Image: Universal Pictures)
Anyway, Obama’s interview wrapped up soon after the alien bombshell, so I guess we’re all supposed to just go about our days as if nothing’s changed.
I’ve long been of the belief that they copped one look at the shitshow that is planet Earth, said ‘nope’, and zoomed on to greener pastures.
But if they’re out there like Obama said, I want to say hi! Or bleep bloop — I’m regretfully not bilingual.
Lead images: YouTube